Sex Ed in Bed
Trying to catch your eye, part 2
By Jallen Rix, Ed.D. (c).
Here’s the scene: You are trying to find the right moment to break the ice with a handsome fellow. The guy seems interested, but he is in no way making it easy for you. He’s tucked away within an impenetrable circle of friends, or his arms are folded and can’t seem to make eye contact, or he’s the arm-chair comedian in the crowd with such a whip-lash tongue who would dare risk asking him out on a date? I’m amazed how often this kind of joker’s whining sarcasm recounts how he can’t find the right man. Well, d-uh! Work with me here! My last column offered suggestions and mind-sets for the occasions when you want to initiate a first-time connection. This column addresses when you are the “receptive partner” and how you can maximize your “come hither” gaze for a possible love interest.
It’s easier than you think. Have you ever met a real nice hottie. He’s open, articulate and engaging. Then you find out he isn’t from around here. He’s without a care in the world because he’s on vacation. How about the reverse experience. You’re on vacation in an exciting environment and you feel good about yourself. People are friendly. You might think what a great place to live. You walk down the street with a pleasant smile and your eyes full of adventure. This vacation mindset has all the same elements of being a receptive partner. I’m not sure what it is about our regular haunts or our group of friends that can periodically dim our sense of wonder or allow us to trip while attempting to put our best foot forward, but as the saying goes, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting you outwardly put on a fake show that is not reflective of who you are. If you’re good at telling jokes, let it fly because the sooner a person can see the real you the sooner they will figure out if they want to get closer to you. But I don’t think being open and receptive has to compromise who you are. I think both are at their best when they occur at the same time. It sounds tricky, but I have a rule of thumb that helps this Libra keep the balance and it all comes down to, as Aretha sings, “R. E. S. P. E. C. T.”
I believe I can completely and openly be myself while at the same time exude a state of respect for humanity and these intentions always seem to “set my dials” to be receptive. I realize it sounds like airy-faerie, crunchy-granola psycho-babble, but think about it. What else is being a receptive partner than authentically looking another person in the eye, giving them a smile or a nod out of respect simply because they exist on this planet like you. This is different from one of those fake smiles with the subtext, “Oh, geez! Someone’s seen me looking at them and now I’m obligated to smile back.” Worse yet is when some queen, out of the blue, whines to me in public, “Why don’t you smile?” As if she needs my face to contort a certain way for her to feel good about herself. It makes me want to bitch-slap her needy lil’ request right out of her mouth... but I digress.
If you still can’t quite catch the vision of what I’m describing, try this exercise (it’s probably something you’ve already done). The next time you’re brushing your teeth, take a moment to look in the mirror and with a shine in your eye, give yourself that knowing smile that is exclusively yours that’s it! You’re being unique, respectful and receptive all at the same time.
However, if you’re sad, please, there’s no need to hide it. But one’s face and persona has the wide diversity to express the blues, respect and openness all at the same time. And if you’re not up for the challenge no big deal. No one has to be receptive to a possible connection 100 percent of the time. But when you are ready to go, here, in short, is my recipe for being a receptive partner: Approach going out to clubs and bars like you’re on vacation without a care in the world. And since you never know when you might meet that right person, try to spend your social time being yourself just as much as you have respect for others. Hmmm... isn’t there some golden rule about that?
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