Sex Ed in Bed
Getting away with it
By Jallen Rix, Ed.D. (c).

Some people’s sexual fantasies focus on the person they would like to be with — a celebrity, a coworker or the ideal sex partner. Some people’s fantasies are brought to life by what is being done to them — getting tied up, being blind-folded, or spanked. But for some fantasy has more to do with what a realtor might say, because it’s all about location, location, location!

The possibilities are as infinite as there are places in the universe. I know a couple who loves to have sex in front of their floor-to-ceiling picture window that over looks a beautiful view of the city. I know a guy who likes to go on long drives through the countryside in his birthday suit. There’s a particular elevator in an undisclosed place in San Francisco that at the right time of the evening, if a couple were to, Oh! I don’t know, stop it between floors, they would have plenty of time and privacy to do the nasty. There’s a hiking club whose members enjoy wearing a pack and nothing else. Who wouldn’t want to make love on a deserted beach if the opportunity came available? Sandy crotches be damned! Speaking of which, if sex in the great outdoors is your thing, you might check out Luann Colombo’s book, How to have sex in the woods. She explores in detail and with humor all the things to consider when taking your sexual activity on the road.

For some it’s simply the freedom of being out in nature. There’s a kind of connection to all things natural that seems to bring on an earthy horniness. It seems logical that when in paradise-like environments a person would like their activities to be just as euphoric. And what better activity to reflect eternal bliss than being sexually satisfied? For others it’s the possibility of being discovered that is the sexual high. Of course, sexually exposing oneself has a pretty heavy penalty in our society. I can only assume that there are people whose sexual turn on is not just getting caught but getting punished for it as well. This, as I say, is an assumption because I’ve never found any information to confirm this, nor have I ever met someone who actually wants to get caught by police and arrested for sexual arousal purposes. But it’s tricky. If there was no penalty I wonder if there would be any excitement?

I recently overheard an anthropologist on NPR explaining that one of the truly unique experiences of the last 100 years is self observation, mainly through the enormous amount of visual media. No society before the 20th century had so many ways to observe themselves. Over the past 16 years self observation has become a national pastime with the reality TV and amateur video genre. All this to say that exhibitionism definitely has found an easy niche in cyberspace. Whole websites have been dedicated to video clips of folks getting away with every sex act possible in as public a place as possible. For some just being able to show themselves on the web is a thrill all its own.

If nudity can be a physical symbol of openness, and if sex can be an act of vulnerability, I wonder if taking the risk of having sex in public and risky places is a way for exhibitionists to rid themselves of sex-negative, pleasure-phobic cultural norms. When the public discourse mostly speaks of sex in terms of disease and “should nots,” I wonder if exhibitionists are trying to push the limits of beautiful sexual freedom yet trying to successfully avoiding legal condemnation of societal strictures and undeserved punishment. It’s that feeling of being bad and getting away with it. After all, sex is a wonderful, joyful act that is responsible for putting nearly every one of us here on earth. I certainly can’t fault anyone for celebrating it whenever and wherever possible. What’s to be ashamed of if you like shouting it from the mountaintop?

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