Sex Ed in Bed

“The best sex I ever had was on Crystal Meth.”
By Jallen Rix, Ed.D. (c).

Regular crystal meth users attest to incredible sexual experiences while under its influence, and therefore when their use of the drug comes to an end they legitimately wonder if sex will ever be as good again. There is no study that shows Meth giving a distinctly unique sexual experience. However, the mixture of meth affects — enhanced sensation, increased confidence, lower inhibitions — can’t but highly charge the libido. As puts it, “Sex under the influence of meth rapidly leads to an incredibly strong association between the two which is hard to break. One without the other becomes inconceivable.” To the former user: Take heart. Although your sexual experiences might have seemed magically unique, the fear that sex will never be quite as good is not unique.

To a certain degree, we can ask the same question after any kind of transcendent sexual experience, “Will I ever have that kind of sex again?” At the close of a relationship, the parting couple may look back on good times and ask, “Will I ever have this with another partner?” In essence, a former meth user can ask this question about anything, "What if life will never be as good and intense as it was while using meth?" This kind of self-questioning is important for all of us to enact real changes in our lives. However, when these questions are asked in the sexual or drug arena, they can sound all the more hopeless because our culture is so uncomfortable talking about these topics. Taking a look at it from a couple different perspectives can gain clarity about the dilemma.

This kind of fearful questioning is usually asked during a state of loss. Many people have very low libidos while going through a grieving process. There may be certain sexual experiences that one can only have under the influence of a drug. Yet, for an addict, becoming a user again just for the sex is not an option. Does it mean, therefore you might as well give up sex all together? I don't think so, grrrrl! It's just a matter of getting accustomed to sex in new ways. To be sure, having sex one way for a while and then making a change as radical as detox is bound to have a negative effect on one's sex life. Just as you need self-love, time and space to adjust other aspects of life without meth, so it is with sex too. So try not to sexually compare before quitting meth and after quitting meth at this point. Give it time and your mojo will most likely re-emerge.

I’m not sure comparison is helpful anyway. This assumption that sex will never be as good is made possible because of comparison, and there’s always a loser whenever you compare one against another. So why is it necessary to scrutinize one orgasm over another? Isn't it great to have sex in general? Of course, if you are already convinced that the best sex you’re ever going to have was with Mr. Meth and only Mr. Meth till overdose do us part, no; you won't be having any better. That's not about sex, that's about what you have decided to believe. Another tricky aspect of comparison is that there’s always another way of looking at it. In fact, logically if life is indeed better without meth, then sex will most likely be better off without it, too.

O.K. So you’ve had some incredible sex in the past. Are you going to let that dictate how good your sex will be for the rest of your life? Why spend so much time trying to recreate the past? My mantra over the past few of years (while I gave up a daily cocaine habit, by the way) has been the anonymous saying; “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” What’s happened in the past — good and bad — is in the past and there’s nothing anyone can do to change any of it. Nonetheless, I can in the present be the person I want to be. I can change the things in my life I want to change, and right now I can have, whether alone or with someone, the best “fucking time” possible. I ask you, does it get any better than that?

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