For me, sexuality is our deepest desire for authentic connections. "Fleshing out" this deep desire is being sexual. This does not mean that if I want an authentic connection with someone, I ought to have sex with them. Instead, I believe that there is always a sexual aspect to every relationship, just as there are mental, emotional and spiritual aspects to every relationship. I can give a friend a hug when I see him. I may look an aquaintence directly in the eye when she tells me a story. I take time for myself by relaxing in a steamroom. I might take the hand of someone who is in need of consolation. These are all examples of being physical, sensuous - sexual with people I am connected to. Using the idea of sexuality in such a broad manner at first may feel uncomfortable, but the more I become conscious of how I interact with others and myself, the more I discover how sexuality plays an innocent part in our everyday lives.

Actually having sex seems to be one of the most intense (if not the most intense) and pleasurable means of communication. Most of us discover that the depth of this connection has a natural propensity towards one gender or the other. I have a strong attraction towards the male gender (as if you didn't know that already) and am quite happy and content about it. But understanding my sexuality has been a challenging journey and I explain why on the next page called, integration.

However, this journey is not over, yet. Sexuality is so important to our humanity (just like survival and hunger) that I have decided to further my schooling on the subject. The Institute of Advanced Study for Human Sexuality is the only independent school of Sexology in the world, and it resides here, in San Francisco (surprised?). In the early 90's, when I heard of the Institute, it felt as if I found a piece of my life puzzle, like when an event occurs during a movie that doesn't make sense to the plot until the end. Along with this puzzle piece, I had a growing awareness that I didn't want music to be the only career throughout my life. I couldn't imagine myself singing at gay pride festivals in my golden years. But what fulfills me most about music is the effective communication and fertile relationship that I can create between myself and an audience. This was something I wanted to develop more. Fortunately, I began to notice that same fulfilling connection in the workshops I teach, and the puzzle piece fit into the picture! I can't think of a more important, yet more neglected aspect of humanity than sexual maturity and education.

I started attending IASHS in October of 2001. I'll be studying and attending classes until January, 2004, at which point I'll take my comprehensive exams, and if I pass, I'll begin my dissertation project. Once that is complete, I'll have a Doctorate of Education in Sexology. This kind of doctorate is "teaching" focused, and qualifies me to teaching at the university level. This is different from a Ph.D. which is more clinically / medically focused. I look forward to teaching in some capacity, but right now I am just trying to keep up with studies (don't even ask me about my dissertation yet!).

The Institute is designed so that students from all over the world can attend. Many of the students are already medical doctors or therapists looking to expand their education. The year is divided into trimesters, in which the first three to four weeks of each trimester is devoted to "in house classes" that require attendance. The rest of the trimester is spent doing independent studies and lots of video classes. This has made the camaraderie a little difficult, but the experience gained from an international student body is worth it! Just in my class alone (that started in October 2001) is a married, mother of two, gynecologist from Switzerland, a transgendered person from Japan, the leading gay novelist in Taiwan, a public speaker from Canada, another gynecologist from Africa, a social worker from LA, a crunchy granola masseuse from Santa Cruz, and a few therapists from around the states.

Classes cover all the bases, with subjects like, Sex and Disabilities, Erotology (the study of erotic art and objects), Sexual Anthropology, Anatomy, Sexual Development in Childhood and Adolescence, Sex Education, Clinical Sexology (sex therapy), Gender, Understand Sexual Fantasy, Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Infections, Sexual Health, Sexual Challenges (as in "dysfunction"), and Techniques.

Another aspect of study is becoming desensitized to the wide variety of sexual activities. Obviously, if someone came to me in fear and trembling to "confess" their sexual fears, it would not bode well for me to repel in disgust! Therefore, I am required to view 100 hours of "explicit media." The Institute has the world's largest library of erotic material. I tell you, there's nothing I haven't seen now! You don't even want to know what I've seen! But, it works. I doubt there's anything a person could tell me about their sex life that would shock me.

With all this going on, it might be hard to believe, but the information is pretty academic. However, a large portion of class time and homework is spent reconciling factual information with all the misinformation and "baggage" about sex that we carry individually and as a culture. This is where the real work is done! Therefore, the focus is not about grades (whew!) but comprehending and processing the information. Depending on the class, we often write a paper about its content, but also how it has effected us personally. You know, I just eat that kind of stuff!

A few of the classes have been "no brainers." Most of the classes have been very intense regarding our views of sexuality. More specifically, this kind of education has really challenged my own "baggage," often, in ways I did not anticipate. Since sexuality is such a basic aspect of every person, when we begin to focus on its health, we also touch many other aspects of our well being. To tell you more, and to give you an insider's view of my experience, the rest of this novel... er, page, is an excerpt from a paper I wrote about the class, Attitudes Towards Sex and Disability. Little did I know this class would profoundly heal a life-long, impairment of my own:

... My limited exposure to disabilities was largely made up of stigmas, misinformation, and second-hand stories. I entered this class thinking of sex and disabilities simply as a topic, but it gradually turned into a class about people and their experiences. One speaker candidly dispelled the myth that people who acquire a disability go through a horrible, dark struggle resigning themselves to their new limitations, with only a few "heroes" overcoming it, and all the others living miserable lives.

One of the largest challenges is not with people's disabilities, but with the limitations a community places on them, especially sexually, culturally, and emotionally. This became a theme through out the class. One lovely woman, interviewed in a documentary said that the reason she has fewer options is mainly because people don't let her risk. She said that, of course, everyone in her home town would love to see her "meet the right guy," but they're also overly concerned that she'd be taken advantage of, or simply be disappointed if she were to go looking for a date. People having physical or mental challenges aren't looking for a free handout from the government. They aren't wanting a consolation prize for their "tragic" lives. They just want the obstacles to be removed that are insensitively put in their way. Usually these obstacles are stubbornly held in place by assumptions, myths, and conveniences. Like any marginalized group, they simply want the rights and privileges that the majority has, but they are kept from accessing them.

This began to sound all to familiar. As part of sexual minority, we are marginalized because of the stereotypes and misinformation people believe about us. We have had to do our homework and, most of the time, educate with our authenticity -- choosing to be ourselves on a visible level. In doing so, we have challenged the "traditional" norms of sexuality. Similarly, people with disabilities are marginalized by stereotypes and misinformation, too. They have done their homework and found great strength and pleasure in being themselves -- sexuality included. Seeing them articulate their obstacles, joys and sexiness, reminded me of the exploration and freedom I have found in sexuality, too. They certainly have challenged and educated my typical understanding of attractiveness and sensuality.

An Australian documentary, Untold Desires, impacted me the most. The film was beautifully and sensitively crafted, interviewing people and also showing them in sensual experiences. Not only did it show a variety of challenges for people, like, paraplegics, quadriplegics, mentally impaired, blind persons, short people, etc... but a variety of sexual preferences and arrangements as well, like, heterosexuals, homosexuals, couples, singles and even transsexuals. Seeing and hearing their sexual struggles further "humanized" my perspective of them and brought me to tears several times. A life-long impairment of my own was finally healed.

This impairment was a puzzle of sorts, and often paralyzing. From my earliest memories, my mother has always had great compassion for people "less fortunate" than herself, especially the disabled. Her compassion was genuine and seemed a mix of empathy, pity, helplessness and guilt. I preferred this mix rather than uncaring callousness, but as her virtues became my own, I could tell that something felt "out of whack." Often, it felt more like a paralyzing trap (which didn't help anyone), rather than the kind of compassion that empowers everyone involved. There have been occasions that simply seeing a disabled person on the street would ignite such potent emotions that I literally would break down and could not carry on.

Therapy helped me understand pieces of the puzzle. I knew that some of what I felt was helplessness; I did not have the resources to, say, help that person on the street. I knew that I also felt guilty because I couldn't help, and because I was blessed with a healthy, able body. Still, every so often, I would encounter a disabled person that I perceived as "less fortunate," and I would tail-spin into a hole of despair.

I never would have guessed that on the road to my doctorate I would piece together this puzzle and find the key to release me from my trap. I realized long ago that obstacles are created anytime I view my relations as adversarial, like, "us vrs. them." It never occurred to me that viewing people as "less fortunate," creates the same sort of obstacles. This view was my trap and the obstacles locked me in. How would I ever be truly present, understanding and useful if I constantly compared and judged myself to others as "less than," or "better than." Not only was this kind of judgment impossible to determine, but comparing of this sort was unnecessary and useless. Asking the question, "Why was this their 'lot in life' and why didn't it happen to me?" was irrelevant, and only conceived either guilt or degradation. It also implied that the "less fortunate" are, somehow flawed, in need of help and maybe even responsible for their circumstances. All of this is inaccurate and divisive, if not destructive.

A short woman in the documentary clearly exposed the issue. She desired to have a baby, yet she was struggling with the possibility of the child also being short in stature. Society, and some of her friends urged her to adopt, with the advice that the child would have additional difficulty being small. Yet she felt that there were many good things about being short and that her life had been wonderful and abundant. What would be wrong with having a short child? Furthermore, not having a child because of the size was like admitting to herself that there was something fundamentally wrong with being short.

Since this class I was able to acquire a copy of Untold Desires. I have watched it several times with friends. It has a profound effect on every person who has viewed it and we often shed a few tears. There was a time I would cry because I felt sorry for "those kinds of people." Now I cry because I admire their courage. I cry because my pity was so unnecessary. I never expected to be free from this trap of guilt that I thought was just a part of helping those "less fortunate" than me. With new freedom and respect for the different challenges we face, I am able to competently and authentically contribute more than ever before.

The GLBT community has had a long "debate" with LA talkshow host, Dr. Laura, about her view that homosexuality is a human "flaw," like blindness. I suppose some people take offense that being gay is corralled with a disability. I take offense that anyone is marginalized as "flawed." What value is in that? Who could possibly benefit from being labeled "flawed?" We are all human. We are all different. We all have our set of challenges in life. What good comes from labeling someone "less fortunate" than I? Life is too short and too wonderful to waist time creating fictitious hierarchies. -- Summer, 2002

Now that I am a budding Sexologist, (it's odd to occasionally say, "You know, I am a professional!") please feel free to ask me any question of a sexual nature. It goes without saying, but I'll hold them in the strictest of confidence. Just think, in a couple of years, you can call me "Doctor Rix," or as my friends have joked, "Doctor Sex!" I would love to write about the many other stories and miracles I have experienced in this unique education process. Unfortunately, I gotta' study.