I am amazed at how many people are getting into ass play. It’s a positive sign that our society is becoming more sexually adventurous when even straight people can admit to sexual arousal of the anus (maybe they’ve enjoyed it all along). Why just recently, a VH1 documentary interviewed straight guys at a tailgate party. One admitted that his girlfriend “slips him the finger” once in a while, and another admitted to buying his own vibrator! Just today, a friend told me that she and her boyfriend were going to buy an enema bag. She was so gleeful, as if they were getting to first base all over again.

It’s great to see, because we can be such a butt-phobic culture. Even masseurs are regularly taught to avoid massaging above the legs and below the waist. It’s a crime too, because many of our muscles come together in the pelvic floor (which this area can be called). It’s our lowest and strongest center of stability. It commands our legs and gives our entire upper body a foundation on which to balance. Slap on top of that all the sitting, walking and bending. I’m tired just writing about it! Every massage should start with our asses. This gives a new (sit and) spin on “ass worship.” Because of the daily thrashing we give our asses, we ought to honor them a “hole” lot more.

Puns aside, asses really say something about our love / hate approach to the body. With all the shame-based propaganda about sexuality in general, guess which part is at the bottom of the list (Whoops! Another pun)? However, an expert on stress and the anus, Chester Mainard, MS Ed., CMT, says, “You can not love yourself as a whole, if you don’t love your hole.” Mainard contends that shame and stress are closely linked. He has observed that the sphincter muscles are the first to tense up under stress. Furthermore, we see so many layers (emotionally and physically) between our brain, heart and body, that the great amount of tension we can hold in our anus often becomes completely numbed out. And when we are numb to tension, who’s to say that shame isn’t hiding there, too. “After all,” Mainard says, “Shame functions best when we don’t feel it at all.”

Don’t gimme ‘dat argument that we “naturally” are uncomfortable with the anus because that’s where shit comes out. Were we born potty trained? Any parent will tell you from experience, “No siree!” Why babies don’t know what comes out any different than what goes in. As a matter of fact, it’s so easy to forget everything that comes out our blowhole we’ve willingly put to our lips, chewed around in our mouth and swallowed — all of it! Therefore, if this turns your stomach, your nausea is a learned behavior — a behavior that tells you a part of the natural and miraculous flow of your body is revolting. I’m not suggesting that we all ought to be scatologically aroused. I’m just suggesting we get use to it enough to not get freaked out. It is, after all, part of the territory. So why let a little shit get in the way of a good time, especially when showering up with your partner can be hot sex, too.

The shower is also a good place to get more acquainted with your own tooshie. My morning rinse includes a little lotion (since soap can irritate the anal area) and the use of my finger to relax the sphincter muscles. It’s a good exercise to get in touch with my body and relaxation. Believe me, if you can relax your anus, you can relax any muscle group.

Another way to cuddle up to your nether regions is the activity of dildomy (using dildos). These days, there are literally hundreds of styles, shapes and movements to satisfy the most discerning of butt pussies. It’s a great way to get used to exploring deep inside before letting someone else go spelunking.

Most people discover their rosebud to be very sensitive. Some feel it is the deepest place to be touched by another, which can give men some idea of what a woman feels when penetrated. Therefore, the best kind of top is a patient one. With time and sensitivity, a savvy top can safely navigate his (or her) way into the tightest of spaces with you wanting more. After all, do you know what the bottom said to the perfect top when he got fisted? “Please keep hands and arms inside the ride at all times!” In the end, (D’oh! Another pun) hopefully the anus will become another part of your sexual repertoire and enjoyment, with all kinds of facets available.